Nothing is Everything

Heart Beats All Around

2011-04-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I started Anatomy for my EMT class. We were studying the heart and lungs. I hate that my classmates find it mundane because the connection of the circulatory and respiratory systems is probably one of my favorite thing about the human body. I find the alveoli fascinating. I mean, I do have an alveoli tattoo after all. I just think it's so beautiful how well the heart and lungs work together, complimenting each other in a perfect symbiosis. I guess it's just me.

Last night reminded me of a dream I had a while back. I dreamt that there was a guy and his heart and all of his main veins and arteries were outside of his body, but they were on the wrong side (well, technically they were on the right). The heart and such were attached to his body with medical tape and when you touched them he bled, but it wasn't hurting him. He wasn't dying, there was no arterial spray...he just oozed blood anytime he was touched. I kept feeling like I was hurting him the entire time. I was afraid to touch him, but he just kept saying that he was okay.

Idiotic Things I wrote to You:

2011-04-07T06:18:00.000-07:00

"This book reminds me of you. I think because I find it to be profound and when I'm around you I keep having these small, but seemingly profound moments. I haven't felt that way in a while. It's nice. It makes me want to write and I havenm't written in a while. You are a breath takingly beautiful person. I don't mean just aesthetically... I mean, when I think about you I find myself holding my breath...in a good way." It seems I've found myself a muse. She makes me wish that I still had my polaroid camera and they still produced polaroid film that was reasonably priced and not outrageously hard to find except online. I want to take grainy, softly lit, nostalgic looking pictures of her smile and the way the sunlight bounces off her hair in depictions of endless summertime. I want to touch her always. I've got it bad.

Goldfish

2009-06-12T07:24:00.000-07:00

So...there's this guy and he's a fish, but really he's a guy. He hears all these voices and they're talking about him. They think he's lonely so they get him a girl. He doesn't like her at first because she's invading his territory and she's sort of obnoxious, but she is really hot. The goldfish/guy ends up seducing the girl. The next morning he tells her she's got to go and then she drops the bomb. SHE'S PREGNANT! What? How can she be pregnant? They only slept together last night? That's crazy, right? He is furious, but his fuming anger is suddenly interrupted by...BIRTH! The girl starts popping out babies and I mean babies galore, hundreds and hundreds of babies. Goldfish/Guy is still in the middle of his angry rant that he goes on a full on rampage and starts eating her babies! the next thing you know, she has dissapeared along with all the babies and there is a stillness and calm to everything. Did any of this even really happen? He can't be sure. The voices are back and they're talking about him again. He is content with his solitude. The voices are convinced that he's lonely.

To be continued...

Currently

2009-01-25T14:40:00.000-08:00

READING: "Lust for Life"

SINGING: Back-up vocals in Sweet Lou's Rhythm and Blues Band

MISSING: Andy and Sandy

WRITING: Nothing, but I feel like I should be working on "The Corpse Grinders" Don't tell Troy.

HOSTING: A public access TV show about dogs and cats

WORKING: 3 jobs, 2 paying, 1 volunteer.

FEELING: Exhausted, but productive.

WONDERING: How much more I can get myself into.

HOLY SHIT!

2009-01-15T15:22:00.001-08:00

I HAVE 2 OPERA AUDITIONS THIS MONTH!

This is all I want in life.

New Project

2008-12-15T15:20:00.001-08:00

GROWN-UP IMAGINATION MACHINE!!!!

That is all.

Oodles of Noodles

2008-11-06T09:04:00.001-08:00

Is a new piece that I am writing. It involves a homeless man, and a sidewalk psychologist I think. The man eventually turns into noodles after being able to only afford a cup'o noodles to eat and nothing else. He is starving, but obese therefore, nobody believes that he is legitimately hungry. I can't decide if he turns into wet or dry noodles. If he turns into dry noodles, then he couldn't walk or his body would crumble and wet noodles would just end up in a heap on the ground.

Hmmm...

I'm not sure that this could even be done onstage.

Maybe it has to be a film.

NEW PLAY

2008-11-04T05:42:00.000-08:00

I have been brewing this idea as of late for a new play. I feel like, at this point, "play" may be the wrong word to encapsulate my body of work. I also dislike the term "performance art" because there are too many disqualifiers in my work to make it fit the definition of what a performance art piece is or should be.

The bottom line is that I need answers and I think that they can only come from experimentation.

Can I make water in a shower get hot enough to melt a block of Velveeta cheese without the water being so hot that it would scald the skin?

Such is my dilemma.

I Miss Stevie.

2008-10-28T08:44:00.000-07:00

That's about it, really.

Chicago, chicago...

2008-09-17T11:48:00.000-07:00

Is thus far completely unexciting. I have moved here all by my lonesome and have now been hanging out all alone for the last 18 days. It is strange to feel so alone in a place that is so obviously full of people. I contemplated throwing in the towel and moving back to Georgia last night, but decided to try and stick it out till October.

Starting in October I have a volunteer gig teaching kids how to read good and do other stuff good too. Hopefully this will all pan out...Did that sentence just make any sense? Who says, "pan out" anyway? I think maybe old prospectors.

In way cooler news, I am currently writing a new short play called, "Grandpa Got Out Again."

NEWS!

2008-08-07T06:14:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me that since I am now a college grad and moving to Chicago, I should probably write about the exciting details of my new life.

Thus far, I have a new tattoo of a moustache on my finger.

Serious business.

In other news: I wrote a killer new play called, "Wheelchair Fight: A True Story."

I Got a Scholarship...

2006-04-11T23:23:00.000-07:00

for theatre. I was so happy when it happened I had to fight not to happy cry because there was a room full of people. Then I sat down and got really sad because I realized that I couldn't tell my Dad. We had a huge fight...I just wish he would be happy for me and proud...and act like...I don't know. I'm still really sad. Today was supposed to be awesome. I got a scholarship...Tomorrow will be worse because I have to go home alone and get yelled at because all of my good fake Jewish boyfriends live in New York. Thanks a bundle, guys. It's 2:00am and I just want to sleep. I'm too sad to sleep. Being too sad to sleep sucks.

HOW COULD I FORGET!!!

2006-04-09T19:43:00.000-07:00

Next weekend I am going to Frolicon. Here are some of the fucking awesome events. Tons of pictures will be posted.

6:30-8 Live Action Candy Land

Imagine Candyland where grownups make the rules. Its a sweet adventure... Remember from childhood the lovable Candyland game? Wouldn't it be fun to immerse yourself in it in real life? Now you have the chance... but the stakes aren't for kiddies. In Candyland, the last one left standing (and looking the best) wins. However, be warned: this is no ordinary boardgame.

11-12:30 Keelhauled Studios Presents: The A.D.D. Pirate Comedy Show

The Keelhauled pirates, Nigel Sade and Brian "Blue Beard" Miskelley, perform for you their world famous improv comedy show! Featuring audience participation, weird props, songs of the modern pirate, Dueling Sean Connery's, Batman & Robin, bawdiness and fabulous looking pirates! You can even get great Keelhauled swag so you can prove you saw them and have been Keelhauled LIVE! (Well, not really keelhauled but at least you can get a shirt or thong or something!) and all done with their unique patented A.D.D. (attention deficit disorder) style!

12:30-2 “Hot Ladies From Hades” Zombie Burlesque Troupe

What more can we say!? Hot zombie action! Not even Death can stop these women from being oh so Tempting. How did they die?... You'll just have to come see!

Closed Another SHow This Weekend...

2006-04-09T19:26:00.000-07:00

It was the Senior Acting REcital and it was fabulous. I went out afterward with a bunch of the theatre kids. I am going to miss them all so much. Meg and Ezra got me the Kathleen Battle CD and I about cried right then and there, because we actually went to see her sing live last week and I cried like a little bitch the entire time. My friend is very much in love and I must say it is the cutest thing ever...she glows. Last night I told someone that they were really beautiful outside and in, then I blushed and giggled for five minutes before I pulled my lame card and left the bar to go write plays. I am working on 3 different ones right now, with an idea for a fourth in the works. The only real problem with the one in the works is that it would involve a little kid and I'm just not a huge fan of child actors. Oh, and yeaterday morning I had the most amazing conversation of my entire life. I had someone completely call me out on all my bullshit.

Wednesday I will be in Atlanta playing Jewish for Passover, so if any of my friends are reading this...I need an attention deflector if you want to come along. Matzah is delicious...I swear.

I Think Last Night I Experienced My...

2006-04-02T16:30:00.000-07:00

Second favorite moment in life and it began when Kathleen Battle started to song, "O Mio Babbino Caro". That tricky woman...she left stage after singing "Witness" and then came back with the Italian encore. I ficking bawled like a baby. It was only because growing up I had this recording of her singing it and that was the first opera song I ever learned. To see her sing it in person was emotionally overwhelming. After I finally quit crying I went out dancing with someone's ex-girlfriend. P.S. You have no idea what you are missing buddy, because not only is she killer on the dance floor...if you know what I mean...And you do...

In Two hours...

2006-04-01T14:10:00.000-08:00

I will be sitting at the opera listening to my second favorite soprano, Kathleen Battle. I am wearing my opera dress already. Tonight I am going to listen to flawless G's and cry and fall in love. Tonight is going to be...

I guess I'll write about it tomorrow.

Not in My Hot Tub!

2006-03-28T20:06:00.000-08:00

So I just finished working sound for a musical at my school this weekend...Friday night me and a few others in the cast and crew decide to go kick it and chillax at my normal recreational spot, which just so happens to be a totally kickass hot tub. When we get there I was all excited...so I run to the hot tub, strip down completely naked, and jump in...(mind you, it's about 30 degrees outside)...The water was freezing!!! I jump out screaming, "IT'S A COLD TUB!!! IT'S A COLD TUB!!!" While running around naked in the freezing cold. All my friends could do was keep laughing while I scrambled for my clothes and tried to keep my teeth from chattering. "Why didn't you test the water first?" my guy friends asked. "BECAUSE IT'S A HOT TUB AND I COME HERE ALL THE TIME...I EXPECTED IT TO BE HOT!" Plus, I'm just a jump right in kind of girl.

These Are Some Recent and Very Perplexing Questions...

2006-03-15T13:25:00.000-08:00

that I have recently had to deal with...Mostly in conversation with my friends, yet there seems to be no "right" answer to any of them as far as we can tell:

1.) If you are a bisexual, isn't dating a transexual really the best of both worlds?

2.) Since Jesus came back from the dead, does that make him a zombie?

3.) Since cats always land on their feet and buttered toast always lands butter side down, if you tie a piece of buttered toast (butter side up) to a cat's back, did you just create an anti-gravity machine?

I said, yes to all. However, many people disagree. My conclusion = They are wrong and I am always right.

I Heart College Because...

2006-03-13T09:15:00.000-08:00

I can get away with so much. Like, performing a monologue from the "Waiting for Guffman" out takes and still get a call-back, or write a play based on real events where people say, "fuck", "shit", and "Dude" every other word and read it out loud in class, or do a complete badass analysis of Sartre's "No Exit" and direct it next year in a brand new theatre...more on that later...

I Heart High School Because...
I am student teaching right now and the kids love me. I am the cool teacher, and whenever they discover one of my tattoos I act like it's all hush-hush and only they know it's there. I get to teach awesome improv games, and warm-ups like, "Screaming Ninjas". I get to color, dance, and yell...in stilletos. I get to see the light bulbs in their heads click on and it's amazing.

Dear Friends,

Remind me that I want to teach College, not High School. High School teachers are poor. Plus, college professors can teach in chucks. Also, if I teach high school I will have to wear long sleeves year round to cover my tattoos. REMIND ME OF ALL OF THIS. You Rock,

-Rex

Taking One for the Team....

2006-03-01T09:56:00.000-08:00

When a friend says to you, "Come on, take one for the team!" Any smart person would realize that whatever comes next is going to be trouble. However I'm cursed with that fucking niceness and loyalty to my friends thing. Fuck me sideways! Last night was fucking awful! We were all downtown celebrating Fat tuesday...wait, let me preface this by saying that I never hang out in downtown Columbus because it is a military town and I can't take being hit on by stupid army fuckers. Anyway, we were downtown, drinking margaritas and minding our business. Then this insanely attractive guy walks out of the bar smoking a cigarette. My friend Sandy asks to bum one. He opens his mouth and has this really hot Irish accent. He has fucking badass sleeves, so I ask him where he gets inked and we chat friendly like, but not overly flirty. Then Chris asks me to come in with him, so I leave hot Irish man outside with Sandy and go inside. A few minutes later Chris tells me hot Irish man keeps looking at me. Irish proceeds to come over to our table and sit down. Chris excuses us and asks me to go to the bathroom. In the bathroom I tell Chris that Irish is so stupid, dull, and lacking in personality that he is hurting my brain. Chris wants to see him naked and insists on inviting Dumblin to the hot tub. "Take one for the Team!" We go to leave, but before we make it out the door Dumlin's Irish friend pukes. Ewww. We get to the hot tub and it is full of people. Too bad : ( Wait, Chris insists we go to his house and return to said hot tub later. We start to play "Never Have I ever..." and all I can think is, "Never have I ever had one man hurt my brain so much by just talking..." It's bad enough because due to the think accent you can hardly understand what he's saying...But, no...IT GETS WORSE! He starts whispering in my ear in broken Spanish! I mean, this shit is not even sentences. "siempre...puedo...amor...merienda...corazon...ojos." Just some utterly retarded shit. I'm like, "I can't understand you." So he replies, "No, I'm speaking Spanish." I say, "Um, no you're not." I mean, for real dude? Does that fucking work for you? There is honestly nothing more annoying the the world than hearing some guy with an Irish accent try to speak Spanish! Then... he keeps groping me and trying to lure me away with him to go hook up or whatever. Um, NO! WTF!?! I just met you. I don't like you. And I'm not that kind of girl. Then the Irish are supposed to follow us back to the hot tub and I'm riding with Sandy so I speed up, turn off my lights, turn and park into a parking space, and they pass us. Sandy looked at me and said, "Damn, Girl! That was some fucking ninja shit!" Then Sandy and I proceed to go home sans the Irish.

Here is my skit from Playwriting:

2006-02-22T08:43:00.000-08:00

written by me and my partner in crime, Jana.

(Grocery Store. Lorraine is in the produce section picking out melons. Squeezing them.)
IGOR: Hey, man. Nice melons.
LORRAINE: (shocked) Excuse me?
IGOR: (starring at Lorraine's breasts) I said nice melons. (laughs like a 14 year old boy)
LORRAINE: Oh, well...I...well...(Nervously shifts melons. Melons begin to roll off display) Oh, lord!
IGOR: Let me help you with those. (They begin to pick up melons. Both reaching for the same melon, their hands touch. Eyes meet.) You have beautiful eyes.
LORRAINE: Well aren't you just the cutest little thing.
IGOR: And exquisite breasts...I mean, you're fucking hot, man.
LORRAINE: Is that any way to speak to a lady? (Fluffs hair, sticks out chest.)
IGOR: (Noticing ring on her finger.) If you were my wife I'd never leave you alone.
LORRAINE: If I were your wife we wouldn't live in this town. They don't take too kindly to the Mexicans here.
IGOR: I'm not Mexican, man I'm Serbian.
LORRAINE: Serbian? Well I never heard of Serbia. Is that in Africa?
IGOR: No, I'm from Bosnia.
LORRAINE: Oh, Bosnia, of course. (She has no clue what he's talking about.) That's a nice shirt you got there. I think I have one just like it. That's my Saturday night shirt.
IGOR: You have a fishnet shirt too? You should wear it all the time. I bet you look fucking hot in it. (Changes mind) Actually...you should never wear clothes, you should be shot in the fucking face for wearing clothes.
LORRAINE: (Stares at him in disbelief. Starts laughing) Well...I...
IGOR: No, I mean, you're just so beautiful. (pause) I'm in a band.
LORRAINE: What kind of music do you play dear? (Flustered, begins putting produce in cart.)
IGOR: (Not taking hint, follws) Yeah, man we have a show tonight. It's industrial rock like Nine Inch Nails but way fucking cooler. You should come.
LORRAINE: What? You play with nails? Like tools? What kind of crazy band plays with tools?
IGOR: No, we are not Nine Inch Nails. That's a different band. We are Superstars of Mass Destruction. I'm about to go to sound check. Want to come with me? We can have a few beers and you can hear me play.
LORRAINE: I guess that sounds alright. My husband has poker night at the house and he don't like me around when the boys are playing poker.
IGOR: Awesome. Do you want to come with me now?
LORRAINE: Yes, honey just let me pay for my melons and we can get better aquainted. (winks)
IGOR: I'd be happy to help you with your melons anytime.

YAY! My Show Closed This Weekend...

2006-02-21T09:55:00.000-08:00

And it fucking rocked. My dad came to see it. It was pretty funny because there is some semi-heavy seduction going on in my scene and the only thing my dad said after the play was, "I saw you smoking onstage. You're not a smoker are you?" He was all worried about it. OK, first of all...IT WAS A PLAY! Second, "Am I a smoker?" what is that all about? It's like, go be a huge slut all you want sweetheart, if you start smoking I will disown you. Parents are weird.

Sunday, Andy and I went to go see "Date Movie". DO NOT EVER GO SEE THIS MOVIE!!! I think it was probably the most painful hour and a half of my life...and I'm a masochist. I can't tell what upset me more: Losing $8.00 or losing that hour and a half....or losing 30 IQ points due to subjecting myself to such mind vomit. Seriously, I think an 8 year old could write a better movie and be more witty and hilarious. The jokes weren't even clever and the farce was unclear. BLAH! Damn you Allison Hannigan!!! You were so cute on Buffy. Why would you ever agree to making such complete and utterly tastless crap? Why? WHY?

So My VD Rocked...

2006-02-16T00:01:00.000-08:00

Yes, I realize VD stands for something else, however in this case it is meant to stand for Valentine's Day which is usually the dumbest holiday ever. Gay boyfriend and I went to Wal-Mart at 2:30 and bought the little cheapo paper Valentines to put in people's boxes at school. Then he made fun of me for taking forever to write them all out because I was matching the right Valentines to the right people (personality-wise). Then Andy surprised me by coming to visit me after rehearsal. He made me a potato stamp Valentine and gave me an awesome art book and a bunch of pictures of hot, half-nude celebrities. I gave him a scrabble board with a Valentine message glued to it. Then we hung out and didn't get drunk....Huum...that's odd.

Oh yeah, tomorrow I will post my play writing skit. It is hilarious. I will give you a hint: It involves melons...nice ones.

Today I Had the Worst Dream...

2006-02-12T20:21:00.000-08:00

Only it wasn't bad in a conventional bad dream way, it was worse. Because I was at rehearsal and making noises in my sleep. I won't get graphic about what the fuck I was dreaming about, but there was blood...a whole fucking lot of blood. But, I did wake up and run my hands all over my body as a sort of once over to make sure everything was still intact. Then I called a friend and got laughed at. Supportive.

At Play Rehearsal Today...

2006-02-02T19:22:00.000-08:00

I had to seduce the leading man in a scene and the director wanted us to try something different. I am standing in front of leading man, say a line, and push him onto the bed. Then I crawl on the bed beside him. Then...I was supposed to stand over him straddling his legs and pull him back up. Only when I went to stand up I got a sudden intense pain in my leg and I immeaditely fell down and began screaming and laughing at the same time...because my leg hurt like a bitch, but at the same time I think that was maybe the most unsexy thing that's ever happened to me. Painfully unsexy.

Last night I Had a Show...

2006-01-29T15:28:00.000-08:00

I sang at a gay bar in C-town. The boy came down to watch. Verdict: Too mushy to write on the internet without inducing vomiting. Singing is awesome. I want to be onstage singing all the time.

Right now I am Watching "Unsolved Mysteries"...

2006-01-24T09:11:00.000-08:00

And this guy is hiding melanomas in plastic tubes to try and find out if dogs can smel cancer. Why is this so hilarious? Maybe because I'm a terrible person?

This Friday the Head of The Theatre Department

2006-01-23T19:56:00.000-08:00

is coming to watch our run through of Brooklyn Boy. Holy fucking G-d! Why? I am so freaking nervous I feel liek having a melt down. I mean, first of all, we haven't even run my scene complete with all the blocking. Ok, by that I mean, there is some touching that we haven't really done yet. Why? Because touching is fucking awkward and scary. I'm not a touchy person. I wish I was, but I'm just not. Actually, I don't wish I was. I hate being touched, it creeps me out. Plus, there is this one part where me and the leading man have to stand pelvis to pelvis and say lines like right in each other's face. WHo does that? For real? In real life I always make a point of being at least a good two feet away from someone's face before speaking. Oh yeah, and then there's the kiss. Not just any kiss either....a kiss whit tongue...while smoking and holding gummy bears. This will require extreme agility from both parties. I just hope my hair doesn't catch on fire....and Andy doesn't beat him up.

Speaking of Andy...I have started an Andy trend. KT is trying to cop my style with an Andy of her own, but that is cool because we all know what a trend setter I am. I started a fairy wing trend in high school (yeah, it was wierd. I know). Anyway, the point is that everyone shoudl get their own Andy. The world is a better place if you have an Andy of your own. Huuummm....I guess if the trend catches on we may have to drop it for fear of the endangered Andy, but that is of no concern presently. The Andy Trend: "It's totally rufus!"

Apparently, I Have Won an Internet Award...

2006-01-15T19:15:00.000-08:00

I was voted hottest buzznet user. Accurate? I doubt it. Those are mostly silly model pictures and me being bored and playing dress up while taking photos of myself because my dog won't be still enough to be photographed. How I love her. Anyway her is the Link

I Wrote an E-mail to the Author of the Play...

2006-01-03T18:03:00.000-08:00

Brooklyn Boy, and he actuallu wrote me back!!! I don't think I have ever been so nervous writing a letter in my entire life. I was googling for information on my character with no luck, so then I began googling the play and...BAM: The author just happens to be a pulitzer prize winner and a professor at Yale!!! So I wrote him a letter that was completely informal and rambly and full of typos...AND HE WROTE ME BACK!!!! OMFG!!!This is amazing. I want to frame it, or go to grad school at Yale and say, "Thank You" in person. Holy Shit, I hope I do well. He said in his letter that he could see why I got the part. Truth is, I really am the character, it's not acting. Alison is just me at another time and place when I was 18. Just as well, that way it will be even more honest. I'm psyched.

I am Fucking Brilliant!

2005-12-27T08:00:00.000-08:00

And I quote...myself, "Semantics is the red-headed-step-child of Philosophy."

For further explanation of this stroke of genius feel free to ask me.

HAPPY HANUKKAH TO ME!!!!!

2005-12-26T13:29:00.000-08:00

I Have a car!!!! And not just any car, I have an SUV. I have a fucking Road Warrior! All you little cars watch out because I am now the proud owner of a mean gas guzzling machine. My dad rules.

I Had This Dream Last Night...

2005-12-25T11:47:00.000-08:00

It was like a very flash-backy type of thing. Really odd. I can't remember most of it. But, I kissed him and it was really fucking real, and just as fucking painful. Then I woke up, cried, and realized that it's his birthday. Happy Birthday.

Scary Because It's True!!!

2005-12-24T11:20:00.000-08:00

The other day I am calmy sleeping in my room...in my bed...about 2.5ft away from my night stand. I lazily open my eyes and look over toward my night stand to see a spider. I'm only half awake, mind you. I didn't think much of it, so I close my eyes to go back to sleep. I open my eyes again about 2 seconds later and think to myself, "Hey, that was a pretty big spider. Spiders are cool. I'll just get a closer look at it." I'm still half asleep. I get to where the spider is about 6 inches away from my face only to see: A FUCKING RED HOURGLASS!!! I jump out of bed and run into the hall screaming, "BLACK WIDOW, BLACK WIDOW!! THERE WAS A BLACK WIDOW BY MY FACE! IT'S IN MY ROOM!" My aunt and cousin come back armed with windex and paper towels like they're going to clean it to death. My cousin looks around and says, "Where'd it go?" "I don't know. I panicked." I reply.
"Well it's not here."
"Holy shit. There is no way I am sleeping in here. There is a deadly spider on the loose." I've been on the couch ever since.

This Evil Asian is Making Me Her SLAVE!!

2005-12-17T11:41:00.000-08:00

Actully, when I put it that way it sounds kind of sexy. DO NOT BE FOOLED PEOPLE: This is no sexy situation! Believe me, I wish it were. As if it wasn't cruel enough to make me take a final at 8:30am this morning...a freakin' Saturday morning...oh, no...I have my last final on Monday morning and it is impossible to do well on it. Way to chop a whole weekend off my winter break you bastards. My brain is currently refusing any information I try to feed it. I think it wants me to go to bed or something. Well fuck you very much, Brain. I have finals to study for! I just keep taking more aderall and energy drinks. Fuck, I am so gonna have another stroke. It's okay, I just request a ruffled blouse and an eyepatch in case my eye remains lazy this time.

My Insurance covers me getting...

2005-12-15T17:13:00.000-08:00

my boobies smallerized. LOVE EM' WHILE YOU CAN PEOPLE!!!

Last Thing...

2005-12-10T15:11:00.000-08:00

I swear...I just listened to Cor D'amours: In Trutina from "Carmina Burana" and it changed my life.

Boys Are Stupid....

2005-12-10T15:08:00.000-08:00

It's a scientific fact. That is all for now.

Oh, wait.....also: Dear Internet,
Quit being so fucking distracting. Thanks,
-Miranda
XOXO

THERE ARE NO POLAR BEARS IN MEXICO!!!

2005-11-28T12:19:00.000-08:00

Oh yes, that was a pearl of wisdom straight out of my mouth. Faith just explained to me today that I yelled, "THERE ARE NO POLAR BEARS IN MEXICO!" on my Birthday because for some reason we were drinking margaritas in a Mexican place with a life-sized stuffed polar bear. That night was blurry, but I always have friends to rub my dumbass commentary in my face later.

It is So NORMAL Here!

2005-11-15T20:51:00.000-08:00

That isn't a bad thing. Actually, I love it. It's like taking a break. I almost feel like my whole life up until now was a dream...almost surreal. Last night was amazing. I was kidnapped by two artists. We sat around and talked for hours. They showed me their art. We listened to music. We shared everything. It's been a very long time since I have met people like that. People that you instantly feel at home with, people that feel like you have known forever, people that excite intrigue, people that command honesty...I wanted to tell them so much more, but instead I was silent and I listened. One day I will tell them. I also wanted to hug them, but instead I waved goodbye. They gave me a book, which I am slooowly studying because it is so new and I take notes as I read. When I got home I sat outside and stared at the sky for a long time. The moon was full and the sky was star studded. I haven't been that happy in a while. I couldn't stop smiling.

This is just the beginning...

Der...

2005-11-13T16:30:00.000-08:00

I am quite possibly the dumbest smart person ever. this occured to me today as I was trying to read out loud and clumsily stumbling over words that were more than simple. I mean, I knew what they meant, I just could say them. I am such a jackass sometimes...like right now...

Some Guy Told Me Yesterday....

2005-11-10T12:22:00.000-08:00

"I could tell you stories about "Karen" (one of my girlfriends whose name I have changed for our protection) that could make a stripper blush."

I replied with, "I could tell you stories involving me and "Karen" that have made strippers blush, but I'm not gonna."

Happy Birthday to ME.

2005-11-10T12:05:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my birthday. My 21st birthday. I tried with little success to keep it a secret. Damn you, Facebook! Today I need to study, but I have a ginormous hang over. And I smell like booze. Great. I was glad to discover this morning that last night I did not make an ass out of myself. I also didn't get naked, kissed, or sexed, which is completely depressing. On my birthday!!!! I can't remember the last birthday that I didn't make out with someone...or EVERYONE...it happens. Boyfriend and Girlfriends: Please come to Columbus and make out with me, or else I break up with all of you and I will find new Boy and Girl friends here. (yes, that is a threat).

Jobs I Have Considered Include:

2005-11-07T11:50:00.000-08:00

1.) Color Namer
2.) Slang Creator
3.) Weather Lady

I can just picture myself in the middle of the next huge hurricane, Rex Adventure reporting live from the field...

Well, Chaz, the sky seems to be an intestine-lining grey, and I have to admit that just like the natives here, I am utterly scardifyed for my life...

I Obviously Don't Get the Inside Joke...

2005-11-06T21:53:00.000-08:00

Um, yeeeaaah. Ok.

I am going to Have a Coronary!

2005-11-06T15:32:00.000-08:00

That's right, I think my heart is going to explode...or implode...or do some kind of -oding. OMFG, I am in a play! And I'm talking, not singing!!! WTF?!? Don't get me wrong, I am super excited...And also super terrified. Like, people are going to look at me and I will be talking and stuff TERRIFIED! My brain isn't even working correctly right now. I am too amped. Need chill pills, PRONTO!

I am One of Those People...

2005-11-05T18:23:00.000-08:00

I can already tell. I am going to be cranky and pouty all next week. I am totally one of those people who is extremely irritable with a lack of sex. Sex? What's that? I don't think I remember sex? Oh, yes. It's been that long. I am like a fucking cat in heat. I keep rolling around on my bed and making these little wimpery noises like I'm in pain...WHICH I AM! I am going to die! It's official. I am going to die. Good Bye Cruel World! All I ever needed was to get laid.

*Yeah, I'm being a bit dramatic. So fucking what? I'm frustrated!

I Have the Itch!

2005-11-02T11:49:00.000-08:00

And NO, that's not some STD! EVery few months or so if I have no new tattoos or piercings, I start itching to get a new one. Maybe I'll get a bunch of birthday loot...

HAPPY FUCKING HALLOWEEN!

2005-10-31T21:13:00.000-08:00

I just got back from the ER on Halloween night...And there's not even a cool Halloween adventure story to accompany my injury. No, I was being lame and staying home to work on a lame ass school project, involving a sharp ass knife and balsa wood, when I slipped and tried to amputate my left middle finger. The positive outcome however, resulted in my screaming and spraying blood every where (see the above picture). As a result I have an instant cool Halloween costume and not only did I get blood all over my pants, hands, chair, and table....I also trailed it into the kitchen, so by 10:30pm it looked like there had been a stabbing in my house (only I stabbed myslef...less cool).

P.S. I am now high on perscription Vicoden. Thanks, Doc!

I Come to This Same Conclusion Every Year...

2005-10-27T20:54:00.000-07:00

Mostly in the fall because it's around my birthday. I never think I can get much older, yet I am somehow transformed year after year. Sometimes I feel like I've been through a war. I have enough scars. I've seen more horrors than anyone my age that I know. I've also seen the most beautiful things in the world. I've laughed, I've cried, I've held my breath...

I was thinking about the movie, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind". In the movie the guy wants to erase memories of his girlfriend so he won't hurt anymore. Sometimes I wish I could do that with my life. Not all of it, of course. And not all the bad, the bad is what makes you a stronger person. Just a select few real-life nightmares. Those are the worst, the things that are so terrible you think you must have dreamed them up, only they really happened, and the flashbacks are unbearable like some incurable terminal illness that feeds on your mind.

For all my other memories I am eternally greatful. I just don't see how much older I can get. Maybe I'll be overwhelmed with so much good this year I'll feel like I can't take anymore or I'll burst. Things like that happen to me at times, certain moments where I get so in love and full of everything I forget to breathe and everything is bliss. I think maybe the two extremes are just what being passionate is about.

Maybe year, after year just means that my passion grows...Because every year I seem to feel more and more. And I love that feeling. The feeling of feeling, more than anything.

I NEED A MONOLOGUE!!!!

2005-10-27T20:21:00.000-07:00

I need a monologue....the problem is I SUCK AT ACTING! I want to be in the musical and sing and dance, but not talk. I have a song, but I can't find a monologuye that I won't totally blow at. Suggestions anyone? Help!

I Was in a Halloweeny Mood Today....

2005-10-23T22:09:00.000-07:00

I made a "Kitty Litter" cake, which turned out coincidentally delicious.
Ingredients:
1 box German chocolate cake mix
1 box White cake mix
1 box jello vanilla instant pudding
1 box vanilla wafers
2-12 Tootsie rolls (or as many as desired)
Green food coloring
1 small (NEW and UNUSED) Kitty litter box
1 (NEW and UNUSED) Kitty litter scoop.

Bake cakes according to box directions.
Make Jello pudding according to box directions.
Once cakes are cooled and jello is gelled, crumble both cakes into a large mixing bowl with just enough jello to make cake clump together. (Use jello very little jello! I REPEAT, USE VERY LITTLE JELLO! You want the cake to look like cat litter.)
Crush up vanilla afers and add to mix for desired grainy texture.
Add mixture to Kitty litter pan.
Top with crumbled vanilla wafers.
In a seperate bowl crush 1/4cup vanilla wafers and dye green.
Sprinkle green wafers over top of kitty litter pan.
In your microwave, melt as many tootsie rolls as desired (keeping the wrapper on when you do this is recommended)
Shape Tootsie rolls into "cat poo" and put them in litter pan.
Put Scoop into cake and serve.

Sadly, my cake was so convincing nobody wanted to eat it. It was however delicious, they have no clue what they missed.

Today, I also make pumpkin smoothies, spiked apple cider, and I bought my dog a Halloween costume. Holy fuck, I am one of those people! I bought her a hotdog costume. I'm sure there will be pictures. I'm a fucking modern day Martha Stewart...Insider Trading and all.

PORN + KAROKE TONIGHT!!!

2005-10-19T18:45:00.000-07:00

I keep thinking that one day my life will be cooler...Then I won't have to pass up invites like that. Maybe after I get a bizillion degrees and a real job, I can let loose and have fun!

Who am I kidding?

My Girl Friend Sent Me This Text Message...

2005-10-18T18:34:00.000-07:00

"Wanna come to Athens and have zombie sex? I'll be covered in blood till midnight."

Maybe This is Why I Never Keep Boyfriends Around...

2005-10-17T04:42:00.000-07:00

And I quote (myself), "You are like an incurable disease. I just can't get rid of you." I also told him, "You make me feel feelings...It kinda makes me want to run around screaming and go bang my head on walls like Charlie Brown."

Yep. I am so romantic. Swoon world. Go ahead and swoon....

CRAP NUTS!

2005-10-15T00:30:00.000-07:00

I am a complete fucktard and I just killed my digi camera!!! Come back camera I <3 YOU!!! I accidentally dropped my computer on it and now the screen is smashed....Which wouldn't really be a problem except that I can't tell if it's on picture mode or not, and I can't clear my memory card and other important things. Sigh! I dyed my hair tonight. Rock N' Roll Red right before I go to see Verdi's "La Traviata". I am classy like that. This week has been insane. I think I'm just Overdosing on family. Between my parents and their friends trying to find me a nice Jewish man, to my dad finding out my real major, and EVERYONE asking me why I don't sing anymore I want to scream! Actually I probably will sometime tomorrow night after running through Centennial Olympic Park's Fountain in full formal opera attire. (pictures coming soon...) For now, here is my really, really red hair:

Make-out Club

2005-10-06T02:58:00.000-07:00

Dear Atlanta,
Come to Columbus and make out with me. XXXO.
-Me

There is this Episode of Saved by The Bell...

2005-10-04T20:18:00.000-07:00

where Zach and Kely walk in The Max and Kelly is wearing a "friendship" ring Zach gave her. Any time a guy walks up to say "hi" to Kelly, Zach promptly shoves her hand in their face and says, "SEE THE RING!" Then Kelly begins to argue with Zach about how their relationship is just too serious and they are just friends and as they're arguing a girl walks up and says, "Hi Zach!" Kelly then throws her hand in the girl's face and says, "SEE THE RING!"

Today I was in the library and this guy kept talking to me. I quietly slipped on my "wedding" ring and nonchalantly kept waving my left hand around, but I kept hearing Kelly Kapowski's voice in my head yelling, "SEE THE RING!" The guy never got the hint. I need to learn to be more assertive.

My Dog is the best thing in the world EVER!

2005-10-04T05:20:00.000-07:00

I forgot yesterday while I was being all mopey and sad that I happen to have waiting for me at home the greatest puppy in the entire universe.
I met Marley when I was working at a kennel. When she was a mere 20lbs. She was a small awkward pony dog with too much skin and an unclear concept of how exactly to work her legs.
She was adorable. And deaf. There is little that is crazier than the task of raising a deaf Great Dane puppy, but I really didn't have much choice they were going to put her to sleep.
Because aside from being deaf, and a Great Dane, she was also a sicky with pneumonia. In other words....She was and is absolutely darling.

Happy New Year!

2005-10-03T14:07:00.000-07:00

Today has been the shittest day ever. I have no job, and it looks like I will be going home no time in the near future because I need a job and I will be working on the weekends once I get a job here. Boo! I miss my ATL friends. Hopefully I will get a job as a kennel tech at a Vet office, then all the dysfunctional puppies will cheer me up. Everyone knows there is nothing cuter than a mangey three-legged puppy licking your face. Plus, today is the Jewish new year things will get better soon enough I hope. I just need to quit being such a girl, get a job, and a 3.7 or higher this semester. Ok. My self-motivating speech half worked. I guess half working is better than not working...

I must go to Temple now and get my Jew on! I wish you all a sweet, healthy and happy new year.

Friday Night...

2005-10-02T19:09:00.000-07:00

the most frustrating and magnificently magnetic man I know had me make him a nan-gate microchip cake. This is the view from the top. It was complete with diffusions and substrate layers. I am the best girlfriend ever.

Yesterday Was Amazing!

2005-09-29T13:38:00.000-07:00

I got to touch the hottest weapon EVER! It weighs about 6 to 8lbs. I AM IN LOVE!Look at it! Sigh. SO pretty! The guy at the gun store though I was nuts.

DETAILS:
Each titanium gold Desert Eagle .50AE pistol with the tiger stripes is different. With no two the exact same, since each ones finish is hand completed.

With the type of mask that is used to complete this finish, we can only offer it on the .50AE pistols. The .44 and .357 pistols have flutes on either side of the barrels. With the flutes the mask does not adhere properly and does not give a clean finish. (It would look more like fish striping than tiger striping!)

Random Shite

2005-09-28T00:33:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep. Instead I'm going to post pictures.

I need a hair cut and I'm bored. I was looking through old pics and I must say,

I kind of miss the emover.

So ambiguous...or maybe just emo and boyish, whatever. I don't think any of these photos really capture the full glory that is: THE EMOVER.

So I was thinking about smallerizing my boobies. BEFORE YOU FREAK OUT, GUY FREINDS...Keep in mind that it is 4am, I can't sleep, and my knee and back hurt too bad to let me sleep right now, it's probably just the sleep talking. Plus, we all know if I had no boobs and ever fell on hard times, I'd just end up poor and titless. Sounds pretty lose-lose to me.

Just for hilarity, I figured I'd post some of my favorite silly pics.
This was taken at the petstore where I used to work (and yes, I did wear the tiara to work for no reason aside for me liking it because it was shiny). I am having a Fish Fight with myself. (What do you mean you can tell I was an only child?)

Then there is this:
This is hands down the best photo I have ever been in, IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!

The Employment Problem

2005-09-27T18:58:00.000-07:00

It seems I am in a bit of a "situation". A very non-comedic situation, at that which I will have to say is rather a shame. A luck would have it, I am somewhat "under-employed", meaning I am still written on the shedule at work (in name only) they however will not actually give me any shifts to waitress or bar tend. That really sucks because I just spent $350 on re-newing my permit and I haven't even gotten the chance to make it back. BUT GET THIS: It is being justified as my not being fired, because I am still welcome to come in and "work" whenever I want. Yeah, thanks...AND YOU GUYS ARE STILL WELCOME TO KISS MY FUCKING ASS! That being said (and my mourning phase over losing the perfect job being not close to finished), I must promptly seek employment elsewhere or otherwise forget about going to the city anymore because it s far too expensive ($60) to be traveling round-trip without being compensated monetarily. And to make matters worse SG has rejected my last 2 sets. I mean, geeze! Give a poor girl a break will ya?!? BLAH!
Thus far I have this (as far as places to apply):
1.) Book Store
2.) Pet Store
3.) Vet
4.) Shooting Range
5.) Gun Store

I am open to suggestions.

WoW,

2005-09-27T15:49:00.000-07:00

I hated high school so much!

I HEART HAND GUNS!

2005-09-26T17:56:00.000-07:00

This gun makes me want to cream myself. LOOK AT IT!!! I need a gun, just like this one....or possibly like this one:
OR, OR, OR, THIS ONE:
Damn, I think I just had a multiple orgasm!

Ore-Oh NO!

2005-09-26T15:58:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so oreos and soy milk...not the same.

OH MY F*CKING G-D!!!

2005-09-25T19:22:00.000-07:00

EXPLICTIVES!!!!! I FORGOT, THIS REALLY SUCKS!

And after all that, I just went and had it out with my bag without wrapping my hands first and I now have 4 open knuckles. Oh, the fucking masochism!

I feel like I'm being censored all the time because there's so much I want to say and do and I can't. So instead I just am.

And I Just Can't Hide It...

2005-09-25T14:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wake up and I'm really fucking excited. I don't know why. Today was one of those days, which was somewhat suprising seeing as how I woke up alone. When I get in these moods I somewhat resemble a cheerleader who's been smoking crack and drinking coffee all day. I can't sit still, and I just want to fucking scream, and I want to scream at really high frequencies. Usually I can just grab a pillow and scream inot it, or close my mouth and do this little high pitched thing that's like screaming with your mouth closed. However, sometimes it just isn't enough. In that case, I usually opt to go and run around with my Great Dane Puppy Marley. So out I run and skip and hop in all my excitement, I jump around MArley, throw a toy for her to go get, and what response do I get? Marley lazily lifts her head and gives me a condesending look that says, "What is your problem? You really want me to go get that? Cause I'm laying here and there is no way I am getting up, Lady." I mean come on dog! You are my dog and are therefore obligated to certain things, such as loveing me and fucking plaing when I want to play. I defeatedly walk in the house and find the box of milk bones. I walk back outside and I'm excitedly greeted by Marley. "Oh, I see...I have the treats. Who's excited now bitch?"

Oh....

2005-09-24T19:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog,
I'm sorry you are so ignored. And you understand that tonight I am only posting this much because 1.) I am sexually frustrated and 2.) Bored as fuck. XOXO.
-Miranda

So people on SG leave me crazy little poems and shit. It kinda freaks me out almost as much as people hugging me, but not quite. "Ally" just called me wanting to have some crazy girl party. And by party...I mean sex. I turned her down because I am not in town, I am studying alone while nursing a glass of vodka and Hi-C. "Molly" wanted to make a movie Wednesday night, but I turned her down for school work as well. WTF!?! I want to punch myself in the face right now, or go jump off a library. This is just ridiculous....

Ok, it is ridiculous. I must admit. But why doesn't this happen when I'm in the ATL? I mean seriously? It's only this excessive when I'm not there.

I'm done for now.

This Shit Just Kills Me:

2005-09-24T16:54:00.000-07:00

I was trading pick-up lines with a buddy, so I said:
"Hey baby, does this smell like chloroform to you?"

And He came back with:
"your father must be a thief, because i saw him stealing from wal-mart"

It was so funny I spit the water I was drinking all over my keyboard. Mind you, this is also the friend who has a running bet about whether or not he can get a girl to call him "Gingus Kahn" during sex. I said, "If you're fucking her from behind and yell "MARCO" and she yells, "POLO" back, she's a keeper." We joke like that. Maybe it's funnier because he's Persian. And by Persian...I mean, a terrorist.

2005-09-24T16:16:00.000-07:00

Apparently Andy likes this photo because it makes me seem endearing and almost human.

I Love It When...

2005-09-24T15:14:00.000-07:00

People ask you questions, just so you have to ask them one back and then they can talk abotu themselves forever.

Sweet G-d!

2005-09-21T22:28:00.000-07:00

It is 1:30 in the AM and I still can't fall asleep. I got a whole hour and a half since Monday. WTF!?! I actally passed up sex for studying today. It's official, I'm a loser. I hope me and my straight "A"s = No ass policy are happy. Fuck, I'm going to be some crazy teacher with a bunch of cats because I became abstinent in college in order to perfect my grades! No, no, I'm panicing. I must sleep.

My L.I.T. is Currently Teasing me Mecilessly......

2005-09-19T19:16:00.000-07:00

For those of you that don't know what L.I.T. means, it stands for Lesbian in Training. Apparently she was a bit jealous that the last time we went out to a bar, I bought drinks for all the girls there, not just her. I responded to this by saying in my smoothest and most pimpette-type manner, "Look, baby. I'm not a player. I just crush a lot." Now I am sitting here writing about the conversation on my blog....Oh yeah, I got skillz. You Can't touch my game!

I had This Conversation today:

2005-09-09T16:06:00.000-07:00

REX:If I ever meet David Blaine, I will give him the business like no other.
MOX: WTF?
REX: It means I want to do him. I thought you would find it humorous.
MOX: I understood that, but why? I prefer anglo ambiguous athiest hairdressers.
REX: DAVID BLAINE IS FUCKING MAGIC FOR CHRIST SAKE!!!

You Know how people always talk about...

2005-09-08T18:44:00.000-07:00

things like putting on their "Nice" jeans? You know, you're going to a party and you're all, "Well what do I wear?" and they reply, "Wear like, a pair of nice jeans and a cute shirt."

I officially want a pair of "Mean" jeans.

I Just Came to a very Sudden and Emo Realiztion.

2005-09-06T21:34:00.000-07:00

While doing homework and listening to the Postal Service's "Recycled Air". Could I be more Emo? Yes, actually I could go sit under a weeping willow tree and cry silently into my journal and then draw little broken hearts with my tear splatters on the pages. SO THERE!

My realization is this: I don't feel whole unless My heart is breaking. I need to be in pain the way I need oxygen. I don't know why. Maybe it is because I feel guilty for being completely happy, or maybe it's because I never talk about what's really going on, or maybe it's because my doctor gave me an anti-depressant and since I have a panic disorder and not depression anti-depressants make me sad as fuck. I am so emo! JESUS! I want to sit and cry, only I can't cry because I haven't gotten a "B" or a 4/5 on a class assignment in the last 5 days.

My Dad doesn't love me and I have no Mom. Today, I told a friend that I was going to write a book about my life and call it, "Sob-Story #151: BOO-FUCKIN-HOO". Fucking Prozac.I hate shrinks.

I went to a College Party At Auburn with my...

2005-08-20T08:25:00.000-07:00

cousin and his girlfriend. I was armed, as always. Kinfe number one in my pants, switch blade in my high top, knuckles in my front pocket. We arrive at the party to find a shitty cover band playing and about 12 frat boys on stage crooning out "Sweet Home Alabama". I knew it. I am in hell. HELL! I'm wearing one of my normal outfits, a fishnet shirt with a bikini top and jeans...Oh, yeah how could I forget, I'm in alabama. I may as well be wearing a clown coustume. The first obnoxious frat boy to speak to me is retardly drunk. And sweaty, in fact I think maybe he is sweating liquor....and he can hardly stand up. "Are you punk rock?" he slurrs at me, while getting waaaaay to close to my face. "No." I reply while giving him an eat shit and die look. He stumbles foreward and blatantly stares at my breasts, "Oh man I have to quit staring." He turns in a stumbly circle and ends up staring at my tits again. "So long as you're not touching." He grabs my arm and asks again, "So are you punk rock?" I reach toward my shoe prepared to grab my switch blade, shove it in his face and reply, "I don't know are girls with swutch blades in their shoes punk rock to you?" Only his equally drunk and probably what he considers "punk rock" girlfriend came out of the bathroom, grabbed his arm and dragged him away to go drunkenly yell at him, brak-up, then have drunk make-up sex. I hate breeders. Stupid drunk man number two, walks up introduces himself and holds out his hand toward me. I don't tell him my name and say, "I don't shake hands." "You give hugs?" He asks. "You really shouldn't touch me. I'm not a nice girl. I'm sociopathic I'll freak out." I tense up, but drunkass just doesn't quit. "Well how close is ok?" "Blade length away." I reply, then my cousin drags me away before I get a chance to demonstrate. Damn.

Things I wish I didn't have to lie about...

2005-08-08T11:56:00.000-07:00

1.) My name. I have sooo many goddamn names I could create a sub-list...actually, I think I will.
a.)Brooke
b.)Brookie
c.)Bj
d.)Pants
e.)Scooter
f.)Asparagus
g.)Twinkle
h.)Hiphopera star
i.)Trophy Wife
j.)Mullet
k.)Spittin' Venom
l.)Slick McFavorite
m.)Angel
n.)Drew
o.)Aria
p.)Max
q.)Vikki
r.)Rex Adventure
s.)Moose
t.)Kitten Mitten
u.)Panda
v.)Sugar Bear
w.)Kitty Button
x.)MB
*I'm sure there are more that I can't think of right now.

2.) My jobs. I have worked at a porn store, strip clubs, and I am naked on the internet.

3.) I like girls.

4.) My major. I am majoring in Theater Education...And yes, I will be a doctor.

5.) How many tattoos I have.

6.)How I feel.

*I'm sure this post will bite me in the ass one day.

I just doctored my communist t-shirt...

2005-08-08T11:38:00.000-07:00

It is black with a red star with a sickle and hammer on the front and I altered the back with two duct tape stripes running down the back and I painted a logo in black and red on some duct tape that says, "I make the revolution sexy." It is the best shirt EVER!

*pictures coming soon.

I am sooooo TIRED!

2005-08-07T20:14:00.000-07:00

And my body refuses to sleep. It is slow torture and not in the good BDSM kind of way, but in the "listening to your mono-tone conservative political science teacher drone on about his conservative views until he sounds like the Charlie Brown teacher in my head" kind of way.

P.S. New York was dissapointing... I'll probably change my mind about that once I go see an opera at The Met.

And I Quote...

2005-07-24T12:44:00.000-07:00

"A hand job is a poorman's blow job." -ZB

While Job Hunting...

2005-07-22T06:15:00.000-07:00

I went to this Italian place. It looked fairly nice and seemed like the tips might actually be worthwhile, so I ran in to get an application. Teh guy at the host stand greeted me and I asked him for an application. He rattles around in the stand for a few minutes then pulls out an application. "Sorry, we only have the spanish versions. You can come back by tommorrow if you want." he says. I tell him no, it's okay, I'll just fill out the spanish app. and he starts looking at me like I'm some sort of freak. "You can read spanish?" he asks me while looking quite bewildered. "Um, yeah." I reply. Then I walked out feeling kind of confused about the whole situation. He must have thought I was kidding or trying to sound good or something, although it is utterly beyond me why anyone applying to an Italian restaurant would try to wow their potential bosses by claimg that they knew spanish.

I Just Got a Job at This...

2005-07-21T13:09:00.000-07:00

Comedy Club in Columbus that has a bunch of unfunny stand-up comedians. The girl that hired me said, "We are the only comedy club in the SouthEast." What planet is she living on?

I am Moved.

2005-07-20T08:03:00.000-07:00

I have no friends yet and my dog isn't allowed inside. I tried to go outside and play with her, but the bugs tried to eat me like I was some kind of warm-blooded buffet, which I suppose theoretically, I am. I don't even know where the comic book store is so I can go try to harrass people and make friends. Boo.

While Sitting on the Couch Friday Afternoon...

2005-07-17T17:43:00.000-07:00

I mentioned to a good friend that I wish I carried a cholroform soaked cloth in my purse, so that anytime someone was getting on my nerves I could immeaditly render them unconcious. The previous, prompted my friend to google search the words "Chloroform Porn".

Results = Hilarious

An Effective Solution to Solving the Sadness

2005-07-08T11:18:00.000-07:00

of my friends seems to be telling them stories from my childhood. I brought one of them close to tears last night and I didn't even go into detail. Sacasm helps lot... "Oh, I know! You must be sad because of this, this, and this.....no wait...that was me!" You have been warned friends be happy. Or else.

"You're Going to Hell." Literally.

2005-07-06T12:16:00.000-07:00

I've heard this statement many times. I've also been called a temptress, the devil, and succubus. However, I have to admit I have no qualms with any of this because the way I figure it.....HELL IS WHERE THE PARTY'S AT! They way I imagine it all the cool people go to hell becuase in most religious scriptures basically everything fun is evil, a sin. Therefore about anyone I would ever want to meet would be in hell. Everyone who got killed for heresy, criminals, rock stars, porn stars, philosophers...the works. I bet there's a constant orgy complete with champagne and the Marquee de Sade. I also bet there is a rollersakting rink and a 24 hour pinball arcade and salsa dancing. Sign me up, Satan!

The Things I Miss most at Night...

2005-07-03T01:15:00.000-07:00

1.) Roof Tops
2.) Stars
3.) The Moon
4.) My Best Friend
5.) Driving and Singing Along to music while crying.
6.) Things that are so beautiful your heart pounds and you forget that you've been holding your breath for what seems like forever.
7.) Making Bad Art.
8.) Spending time with someone and wanting them to kiss you more than anything in the world.
9.) My Pain.
10.) Lost Love.

Significance...

2005-06-30T20:53:00.000-07:00

can be found in the oddest places. A glance, a phrase, a song, a flashback, an encounter with a familiar stranger. Moment to moment we live life, taking small things for granted. Miniscus for example, or the perfect raindrops just before the pour sets in. Small things that we were once too preoccupied to notice are the exact things that make the grey fade into shimmering bliss. My significance is lost and found through different shades of heartbreak because everything is more beautiful when your world falls apart and is suddenly put back together again.

A lady...

2005-06-27T17:14:00.000-07:00

came into the petstore where I work and started ranting about how pet stores are evil, so I responded by saying, "Yes I hate puppies. I try to kick at least 10 a day."

I once...

2005-06-25T05:03:00.000-07:00

thought of writing a book about my life. The titles I considered were, "Shhh!", "Shattered Glass", and "Escape from Innocence". I then decided that everyone has their own sad story and the truth only bores people. I'd much rather teach people about things other than how to not fall apart.

"Why, Why, Why?"

2005-06-17T14:32:00.000-07:00

He asked me repeatedly. As if the truth would give him a little insight. Truth. I never tell the truth...at least not all of it. It ruins my illusion of being an enigma and besides there is always too much to tell. The truth, the real, secret truth of why I play that role is because somewhere deep down inside I'm a sadist. I love to see them in pain, watch the squirm. It's like every "no" I utter is slowly killing them and I thrive on every last one. So, there you have it. The Why's are resolved.

I wish...

2005-06-13T19:46:00.000-07:00

I lived in a safer place so that I could go out at night and find deserted playgrounds, train tracks, and lots for me and my Great dane to play in.

I also wish someone loved me back. Lame, don't I know it.

I'm going to the Met in New York...

2005-06-10T14:38:00.000-07:00

while I'm there on vacation. There aren't any operas playing in July, just Ballet. Ten bucks says I still cry my eyes out like a silly girl who has achieved her life-long dream. I love my life.

You know...

2005-06-05T07:36:00.000-07:00

things have maybe gotten out of hand when you cut someone's shirt off with a knife. Damn I'm fucking crazy sometimes.

I Crossed the Line...

2005-06-02T06:32:00.000-07:00

My friend and I got into an I'm gonna kill you joke fight yesterday. Here are some of the things that were said by me:

1.) I'll gouge out your eyes with ice picks and feed the remains to a murder.
2.) I'll stab you all over with forks and laugh as your blood sprays in different directions.
3.) I'll slit your throat and fuck the wound with a strap on.

*I am such a goth kid sometimes.

It's Almost Startling...

2005-06-01T19:31:00.000-07:00

to be kissed and just kissed for the sake of kissing. Not because someone wants to fuck you. Not necessarily because you're beautiful or full of unconventional beauty, but just because. It made my heart flutter. I haven't fluttered in almost a year, and the last time I was sure I was dreaming. I still think I might have been.

AHA!

2005-05-27T06:21:00.000-07:00

I finally figured out why I never get laid. I think it largely involves my making statements such as, "We are going to get fucked up and I am going to hit on anything bipedal."

*Nobody that gets laid uses the word "bipedal".